When Anxiety Hijacks Your Plans
I had plans. A full evening carved out for self-care: shower, hair mask, shaving, the lavender lotion I love, a long skincare routine. It was going to be my reset. But halfway through the shower, something hit.
Hard.
The water was still running down my back when my chest started to tighten. My heart raced. My thoughts blurred into a single overwhelming wave of fear and failure. I sat down right there in the shower and cried. Eventually, I crawled out, wrapping a towel around my head and one around my body, and managed to shuffle to the rug just outside the shower. That’s where I stayed for a while, just sitting, breathing, waiting for the weight of it all to lift.
Meet the Monster: Anxiety
Anxiety is a monster. not a snarling, fanged creature, but more like a worried companion who doesn’t know how to relax. He sits on the edge of your plans, fidgeting. He doesn’t scream or roar, but he hums with nervous energy. And when he feels like you aren’t listening, he climbs up and sits on your chest—heavy and tense, trying to make you pause.
He’s not here to hurt you. He’s here because he’s scared for you.
He whispers worst-case scenarios, not to torment you, but because he genuinely believes preparing for the worst is the only way to protect you.
What if you can’t handle this?
What if you mess up?
What if everything falls apart?
He doesn’t mean to paralyze you—he’s just a little too focused on survival, not peace. His nervous pacing and constant interruptions are his way of waving red flags. But the flags aren’t always about real danger. He gets confused. He thinks an unanswered email is a saber-toothed tiger.
He’s trying to help… he just doesn’t have the right tools.
Understanding Anxiety & Panic Attacks
Anxiety is a physiological and psychological response to perceived threats. Panic attacks are sudden, intense waves of fear and discomfort that often mimic life-threatening emergencies. Your heart pounds. Breathing becomes shallow. You might feel dizzy, detached from your body, or overwhelmed with the urge to escape.
But here’s the thing: anxiety is not wrong.
Your body is trying to protect you. It's trying to help you survive. The problem is, it gets confused. It doesn’t realize that an overdue bill, a mounting to-do list, or even just the pressure to keep everything together isn’t the same as a predator chasing you through the woods.
And when we ignore him, suppress him, or try to fight him down, he just gets louder.
What Is Anxiety Really?
Biologist and stress researcher Robert Sapolsky, in hisbook Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers, explains the evolutionary mismatch that makes anxiety so prevalent and so persistent today. Our bodies are wired for short bursts of survival stress, like our ancestors outrunning predators on the African plains. When the danger passed, so did the stress. They returned to homeostasis.
But in modern life, the “danger” never really ends. It’s the bills, the notifications, the deadlines, the overwhelm, the 3AM thoughts. We are chased not by lions, but by expectations. And our bodies respond to it all the same way they did 100,000 years ago, with a flood of hormones, tight muscles, and an urgent demand to do something.
Now imagine that happening every day, multiple times a day. No wonder we end up crying on the bathroom floor.
The Emotional Truth
In Atlas of the Heart, Brene Brown explores emotional landscapes and maps out our emotions to bring a level of understanding and clarity. One quote she highlights, originally from Elizabeth Gilbert, cuts deep:
"You are afraid of surrender because you don't want to lose control. But you never had control; all you had was anxiety."
That hits. Hard.
Brown places anxiety, worry, and vulnerability in the very first chapter of her book, a clear sign that these are foundational experiences of being human. Especially now, when we are so often expected to smile, grind, and keep it all together, even as our inner world unravels.
We don’t talk enough about how common this is. About how exhausting it is to live like this. And about how the support we need is often absent, replaced with hustle culture, toxic positivity, or the dismissive advice to “just relax.”
Anxiety: A Valid, Exaggerated Response
Anxiety isn’t random.
Anxiety is valid.
It holds real concerns, our need for safety, stability, connection. But it’s like a smoke alarm that can’t tell the difference between a house fire and burnt toast. It’s trying to warn you, but the volume is too loud for the situation.
When we treat anxiety like an enemy, it digs in deeper. But if we approach it with curiosity, if we look at the monster and say, “I see you, but I’m in charge now”, something shifts. It becomes possible to hear what it’s really trying to say.
A Reflection Exercise
If you’re feeling anxious or panicked, ask yourself:
What triggered me today?
What am I afraid will happen?
Is this a pattern I've seen before?
What do I actually need right now?
Let your answers come without judgment. Treat your anxiety like a scared part of you, not something to conquer, but something to comfort.
This practice isn’t about fixing anything. It’s about understanding. It’s about reminding yourself that you are not your anxiety, and that you’re allowed to hold space for your fear without letting it drive the car.
Try This: Alternate Nostril Breathing (Nadi Shodhana)
This Ayurvedic breathing technique calms the nervous system and balances the left and right hemispheres of the brain.
Sit comfortably. Use your right thumb to close your right nostril.
Inhale slowly through your left nostril.
Close your left nostril with your ring finger. Open your right nostril.
Exhale slowly through your right nostril.
Inhale through your right nostril.
Close your right nostril and exhale through the left.
Repeat for 5–10 rounds.
This breathwork invites your mind into presence and tells your body, “You are safe now.”
Closing Thoughts
Anxiety doesn’t make you broken.
It makes you human.
The goal isn’t to banish the monster. It’s to understand him. To say, “I hear you, but I get to decide what happens next.”
Sometimes that looks like lavender lotion and a skincare routine. Sometimes it looks like sobbing on the rug. Sometimes it looks like breathing deeply and reminding yourself that you are safe, even when your nervous system hasn’t gotten the memo yet.
You are not alone.
You are not weak.
And you are not your anxiety.
You are the one who listens. Who breathes. Who stands back up when you’re ready, and carries on, with compassion and courage.
References
Brown, B. (2021). Atlas of the heart: Mapping meaningful connection and the language of human experience. Random House.
Sapolsky, R. M. (2004). Why zebras don't get ulcers: The acclaimed guide to stress, stress-related diseases, and coping (3rd ed.). Holt Paperbacks.
